Cold Feet

Well, I leave in ten days. How crazy is that?! Ten is such a tangible number - I mean, I have ten fingers for goodness' sake. I have to admit, I'm kind of starting to get cold feet. I really don't want to leave.

But here's the thing: I'm not getting cold feet about going; I'm getting cold feet about leaving.

This is all I have wanted for my life since I decided to look into it. I truly, truly believe that this is where God has called me to be for the next two years. It is the right step for me, and I am going to help so many people that I would not normally have the opportunity to help.

Except I don't want to leave.

Because here's the other thing: I have never been out of the country. I have never lived outside of Missouri. I have never actually lived on my own (because we all know living in a dorm isn't on your own). I have never been so far away from my family that I seriously can't just come home if I need to. I have never gone so long without seeing my family face-to-face, hugging them, petting my cat.

There's so much about this journey that there's really no way to prepare myself for.

I don't know what it's like not to have running water or electricity. I don't know what it's like to speak a language other than my own more times than not. I don't know what it's like to cram myself into public transport because that's just the way it works. I don't know what it's like to cook on a sigri (charcoal stove).

That's what's exciting though! ...And where my anxiety lies.

So am I ready? I'm beyond ready to go. I am ready to experience a new culture, new way of living, new people, new everything. But I am far from ready to leave everything I know, everything I love, EVERYONE I love behind in order to do it. Regardless of whether I'm ready, though, I am leaving ten days from today. I am getting on a plane to fly to the biggest change in my life. And that is equally exciting and terrifying.